As one of the dads of a young African-American daughter, being raised in a same-sex household, I am doing my best to tackle the subject of black hair care and hair styles that so many of our females face each day. Like many African-American men, I keep my hair short and close to the head. No tricks, bells or whistles, just short. It's so easy that I even cut it myself. It takes me 5 minutes and I'm good to go. I can't even begin to imagine spending money to have someone buzz my hair, let alone sitting in a barbershop for any length of time.
Raising a daughter and dealing with hair is a completely different story. Our daughter Grady, typically wears her hair in braids and beads. Very age-appropriate and easy to care for, but not so easy to learn how to braid her hair. In fact, it is seemingly impossible for either me or my partner to learn to braid. Maybe it's our DNA or our complete lack of having hair to care for ourselves, but it is a task that we can't master. To this day, I tease my partner, Tim, that I am still waiting for him to enroll in the hair braiding course that he stated he was going to take more than 4 years ago. On a side note and in his favor, he did manage to get a four-year B.A. degree during this time, so he has been busy learning, but he definitely didn't get a cosmetology certificate along the way.
For the past 4.5 years, our nanny, Natasha, braided Grady's hair each week and the two of them bonded as females and all things girly. The scene was typical of what one may see in a hair salon where the ladies sit around and shoot the breeze, laugh and work their hair magic. Natasha would start with a fresh wash and condition and then put the "goods" in Grady's hair to give it some hold. The "goods" have included countless products, safe for a young black girl's hair, with names such as Dr. Miracle's HOT GRO, Africa's Best SUPER GRO, Organic Root Stimulator OLIVE OIL, Organic Root Stimulator HAIR MAYONAISE, Luster's RENUTRIENTS SLICK STICK and my personal favorite as well as a fave of many black girls across America....Luster's PINK LOTION. Packaged in a Pepto-Bismol colored pink bottle, this is the holy grail of black hair care. When I squeeze that into the palm of my hand, I know that in a matter of minutes, Grady's hair will be ready for the runway.
While the two of them got their "braid" on, it was a race to the end to get the braids just right.
Natasha: Hold your head down Grady. Turn to the side Grady. Which color beads are we going to use today Grady? Which style of braids do you want this time Grady? How long do you want your braids Grady?
Grady: Ouch. That hurts. Can I lay down on the bed. Are we almost finished? My back hurts. Let's use yellow and purple. I want a side-ponytail today. I want them long.
I would peek into the room, say my hellos and make a fast dash out of the room, because this was no place for a man that couldn't braid hair. Natasha & Grady had this hair-braiding thing down to a science, so I just left them to their devices and enjoyed the finished product. So many beautiful braids, beads, colors and styles to enjoy, I was happy simply because Grady was happy.
Well you would think we would be on solid ground once the hair was braided, but no this was not the case. We had to spray it in the morning, grease the scalp, slick down the temples and the kitchen (the name that many African-American women use to refer to hair at the nape of their necks) and ALWAYS remember to tie it down in a scarf at night. "It holds the hair and keeps it fresh" is what I've been told. The whole process is exhausting, but again, for Grady's happiness no price is too much (although I can't wait 'til she starts helping to foot the bill to keep up this lifestyle..haha).
We tried to "relax" her hair a couple of summers ago, which was beautiful the first month and so easy to care for, until the short-lived glory was replaced with broken and damaged hair that is hard to repair and can take years to grow back to normal. Never again, until she can make that decision on her own, with a sound mind and plenty of information and guidance.
Well, reality set in this September when we lost our nanny. We actually didn't lose her, as she will always be an important part of our lives, but as the kids are both in school full-time, we no longer needed a nanny. Oh don't you readers out their worry, we hooked her up with another two-dad family and things seem to be going well. Anyway, back to hair...no nanny means no braids when we need them. With Natasha in our home 5 days a week for 4 years, she had plenty of time to braid Grady's hair. Picture day at school, no prob. Family function over the weekend, no prob. Holidays and celebrations, no problem. All hair, all the time. Give Grady & Natasha a little more than an hour and they would create magic. Now that is all gone away and we have to schedule a time to get to Natasha's. We love seeing Natasha and it gives us good reason to get together to see one another again, but it takes a lot of work to make this all happen. We have to go to Natasha's in Brooklyn (a train and a bus ride) and bring along the "goods", beads, elastics, and the extra hair...oh, I failed to mention that Grady gets store-bought hair braided into her natural hair to make it even stronger and to prevent "breakage". That's a lot of effort for someone who's own hair care takes about a total of ten minutes every 6 weeks and that may even be a stretch. But like I stated before, no price is too much for Grady's happiness.
So, this weekend I took out Grady's braids & beads and wash and conditioned her hair to the nines and gathered my senses and tried something new; a ponytail. No braids, no beads, just pulled back into a tight ponytail, greased in all the right places, held together with clips and pins and a wide headband and she was good to go. And you know what, she looked fantastic and we created our own magic together. It wasn't easy nor quick and at times I felt like throwing a beanie on her head and calling it a bohemian day, but we got it done and will continue to get it done. One day at a time, taking little steps along the way. Now, don't get it twisted and think that we have given up on the braids, because we all really like them and they do give us a break from having to create our magic everyday, but we will not stress this hair madness everyday. Grady is perfect with natural hair or braids and will always know that she is more than the hair on her head. She is a gift from above and will always be loved and most importantly always love herself and the hair she was given, whether it is natural or bought at a store. Plus, this kid has enough style and pizazz, to rock any look and make it her own and all the rage.
