Life teaches us lessons everyday and today I had to teach one at the kid's school. Not only did I educate a child, I soon realized that this kid educated me.
Today, we had a publishing party for Grady's class, at which time stories that each of the students have wrote are read and the parents and classmates make positive statements about the writing. It is a nice way to celebrate the writing process and takes the fear out of it for many of the kids.
After the stories were read, the class along with the parents meander to the cafeteria for a little breakfast. The kids have a great time and it is also nice for the parents to catch up on things going on with their kids and one another.
Both Tim and I went to the party today, which is very rare as one of us is always at work at this hour. Tim was off from work as he is starting a new job tomorrow and I had jury duty, so we were both able to attend. Regardless of our schedule, we always make sure to have at least one of us in attendance, so today was a special day that we were able to both take part.
After the kids and parents got their food, everyone sits around talking to one another. I stayed for awhile but had to get to jury duty, so I got my coat and bag and gave Tim a kiss goodbye, just as we do everyday. Nothing out of the norm. We kiss, said goodbye and I head for the door but sensed something whereupon I turned around to notice one of Grady's classmates snickering to a group of girls about us kissing. She had a look of disgust and disbelief that two men would kiss one another.
Never one to bite my tongue and figuring we were in school, I thought this was the perfect place to educate this young girl on her behavior. When I turned around and headed back, the girl realized that I had caught wind of her antics and literally froze. It was as if she thought if she stayed still enough, that I wouldn't school her, no pun intended. Little does she know me.
I approached the girl and her friends (who hadn't said anything about the kiss themselves) and sat down at the table with them. Grady was sitting within earshot of them at another table, but didn't hear any of this, which was a blessing. I told the ringleader that I heard what she said and didn't think it was very nice nor did I appreciate her speaking of our family as if we gross just because we were different than most. I was more upset that she was gathering the charges which in my eyes is a typical gang-like mentality.
I asked her where her parents were as I wanted to address the issue with them and see what they had to say. As the parents weren't there, I went in on this kid not to embarrass her or make her feel bad about herself, but rather to educate her. If I'm being completely honest, I didn't care whether or not she was embarrassed as I was embarrassed for her but I really wanted to make a point. As she and Grady were in the same class last year, she knew we had a non-traditional family, so I knew that the snickers were coming from a negative place rather than one that was just matter-of-fact.
I asked her and the rest of the girls about their families. She had a mom and dad at home as did most of the kids, another girl had a single mom (was actually a "test-tube" baby..how cool) and then there was our two dad family. I asked her if she felt her family was any better than ours and she replied "No." What about the single parent family, I asked? "No". I gave examples of other types of families and told her that all families are different and they each need to be celebrated. She was still in shock that I was schooling her, but better me than someone else who she may have pointed out and got a different response, i.e. a slap in the face, a name called, etc.
After speaking to the girl, I asked her is this something that I needed to share with her parents or had she understood what I was saying. She said no. I also told her that this type of behavior would not be tolerated and that she owed me, my partner, my children and the other kids that she tried to influence an apology. By this point, she was out of the deer stuck in headlights phase and realized that I meant business and I felt sincerely apologized to all of us.
Grady has no idea any of this went on but I understand one day she may be fighting these battles herself. Not just for her but for anyone who is made to feel bad about being different. We teach our children to be nonjudgmental and accept others as they are. If you don't teach your kids that we are all individuals and need to be celebrated not for our similarities but more importantly for our differences then you are doing them a disservice. I want to let any parent out there know that if I notice that type of behavior in my presence from any child, they will be schooled, as I would want someone to school my own kids on such injustice.
I told the teacher about the incident and suggested that I come in a read a book to the class that my Mom and Dad gave to the kids when they were younger called And Tango Makes Three by Justin Richardson and Peter Parnell based on a true story of two male penguins at the Central Park Zoo who essentially raised a baby penguin (Tango) as their own. It is simple for kids to understand and tells a great story about differences being celebrated. I haven't heard back from the teacher yet if I can come in to read the book, but I have faith that he will think it is a good idea.
